ING Guy Caught Embezzling Bank Funds

See this guy? He spent years building your trust telling you to "save your money." Yeah well,turns out he's been hoarding your savings and loansharking it out. Just when you were beginning to believe what you saw on TV.

Now we know why there are no ING branches to speak of. ING guy was the branch.

We tried to reach ING guy's publicist but she couldn't speak English and we don't know any Dutch. It was an impasse but we managed get passed this through a Mongolian translator. "These are hard economic times in case you haven't noticed" she said. "But ING khan cares about people and he was planning to invest the cash at the right moment."

At 42.5% of course.

When asked about the loansharking operation she suddenly didn't understand the Mongol. "Che, che?" was all she would say.

So we then asked where he was keeping the money. To this, she perked up and replied, "His mattress of course." However, rumors have circulated that ING guy in fact sleeps in a water bed.
In yet another angle, sources not so close to Moon Zuppa have reported he "invested" the cash in a marijuana muffin scheme.

There are concerns some of the muffins may have found their way onto shelves at Tim Hortons.