Quebec's Language Police Seeks Additional Powers; Asks for More Rulers

Disturbing humourous news oozed out of Quebec City this morning. It seems as though L'Office de la Langue Française - the dreaded and notorious language police - is looking to broaden its powers to harrass and fine law abiding citizens. "We feel it is appropriate," Guy Bouthillier stated fangs and all in a matter of fact tone to us.

It seems that the Office that protects the French language is running out of rulers. "We've have put in a new order at Stapl, er, Bureau en Gros at the expense of the Federal government. They owe us for the misery they have caused our people," a crusty, impolite lady eating a Joe Louis* said through a translator. The feds in return had this to say. "Really? How awful. They ran out of rulers? The poor bastards. Of course we will reimburse them. We may not agree with them but they do good work. Every society needs their own Brown and Black shorts. No wait, shirts. That's it black shirts in waiting," one lost civil servant explained.

The Office is also seeking to expand their powers by asking the government to legislate a law where if English is spoken louder than French this results in an automatic $45 fine and a paid subscription to the Journal de Montréal. Members of Quebec's National Assembly could not be reached for comment as they were debating whether unions are in fact beneficial to society. We did manage to elicit this comment from the Parti Québecois, "Va dont chier, gang de maudit anglophone. Des regles sons importants pour nous. Comprenez-vous, tabernak?" Loosely translated? "I'm a fat, bald, tired man with little ideas."

*For our American audience, Joe Louis is the Quebec equivalent to a Twinkie.