Terrorist Organization Operates with a Conscience

Disassociated Press - Damascus

"We are not animals. We think of our martyrs. That's why we send flowers to the families of our tweenaged soliders," Idi Ibn Madullah head of a clandestine Arab terrorist outfit that has yet to claim any attacks told Moon Zuppa. Behind two and a half body guards he continued, "We are a different kind of organization. We even offer stock option plans for pensions. I know what good is a pension if we ask our workers to take, shall we say, an early retirement? It's an imperfect system but we are working on it." Critics of the organization were in full force today. "They should not be bragging. 97% of the stock is invested in Israel. And the flowers usually are flown in from California and arrive several month late. It's a typical faceless terrorist organization and we plan to put pressure on them to change their ways." No one was able to answer with any satisfaction the following question from one of our provoking staff news gatherer : What about simply stopping the killing of innocents?