Saturday, March 25, 2006

Barry Bonds Looks to Piece Body Back Together; Has No Family, Mistakes Steroids for MSG

San Francisco, Calif. - Disassociated Press

In an introspective, crooked and inept attempt to piece together his body and life, Barry Bonds sets the record straight with MZuppa. "Look at what you guys did. You succeeded in turning me into a freakish puzzle. You broke me. You broke my family." For years Bonds has been claiming the media has been breaking him and his family but Moon Zuppa found no evidence that he in fact had a family. All we found in his home and locker were pictures of families from JC Penny. Moon Zuppa also asked about him cheating to which he responded defensively "Look, I was told that steroids added flavor to my meals. I thought I was using MSG. Next question." Naturally, Moon Zuppa asked which Cantonese dishes he made. He grabbed us by the collar and whispered through clenched teeth "I made Chink Rolls. Happy now? You made me a racist too!" It looks like Barry needs to lay off the MSG if you get our drift.
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