Reflections on Iraq: A Food Item in Our Lives

Opinion by expert reader Dr. Yuvafangool, PhDextra (The extra means I read one more article than a lesser PhD).

As I sat to ponder upon the situation in Iraq, it quickly became obvious what the truth surrounding its missionary mission is all about. It's quite a big place, this Iraq, and I plan to fill it with my big thoughts.

In the middle of an aisle in a local supermarket I stood - literally disoriented like a semi-trained soldier waiting for proper ideals in a sand dune - looking for rice vinegar and oyster flavored sauce (I'm allergic to the real stuff). The same dilemna always presents itself whenever I set out to buy rarely purchased items. I'm too lazy to look up and read the article sign so I usually end walking up and down aisles a few times hoping I'll stumble upon what I am looking for. Sure, my wife does tell me roughly where everything is, but who listens? Right, fellas?

Iraq is like a grocery store. It's filled with all sorts of tiny little things we never thought to buy - items only a mother can buy. The people living and working - occupying whatever -in it need to pay less attention to the coupons and the circular to save a lousy 10 cents and more to the quality of the products. It can make all the difference in knowing where to locate that tiny, insignificant bottle of vanilla extract your wife has been incessantly nagging you to buy. I love Iraq and I'll be damned if I allow anyone to talk dirty to it.

Dr. Yuvafangool is a vice-associate teacher's assistant at the Ottawa Groupthink Academy for Hafast Civil Servants. He specializes in the art of political surreal gibberish. Moon Zuppa, of course, welcomes him. Welfrickingcome.