Little Allison Jones Wants to Bring Peace to Iran With Muffins

Montpellier, Vermont - Disassociated Press

Meet Allison Jones. Ms. Jones is the latest trendy idealist the media has flocked to. With Iran preparing to build a nuclear bomb, Allison decided to take foreign policy into her own hands.

"I just want to tell them that they don't need to make nu, nukl, um bad weapons. They can just bake weaponized muffins. I have blueberry, blackberry..." Ms. Jones said yakking away.

"She's a mature 12-year old. She's always had a keen sense of purpose," Allison's skankish looking mother told Moon Zuppa. "Once, when she was 11, she wanted to make dynamite made of confetti for suicide bombers." Mrs. Jones was asked if her daughter was a dreaming moron to which she answered "if we can't allow our kids to dream what's left? Nightmares?"

The Jones team intends to take their peace mission to Iran where the maniacal religious authorities will be welcoming her in a pompous and decadent manner usually reserved for Royalty. "It's been a tough 20-odd years for us. No one visits us. When this infidel called we jumped at it. Thank you. Er, wait. Death to the Great Satan! Thank you," a spokesperson for the Iranian embassy giddily explained through a Danish translator.

What exactly is the purpose of this trip? "I want to tell Ir-an that if they want to be crazy and start wars they don't need to make weapons that can kill the rest of us who really don't care about Iran. So we are proposing an alternative way to build weapons of minor-scale but delicious fiber destruction."

For their part, the State Department seemed unaware of Allison's diplomatic coup d'etat. "Huh? Wha? Who?" an attaché for the President responded. "Damn, intelligence is failing us again!" We gave the last word to Ms. Jones and asked her what she will be doing in Iran. "I want to aks them why name the county Iran and not I-run. Get it? Ha!"