Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Mouse Overcame Prejudice And Mental Disabilities With Courage

Disassociated Press

Bloomington - The world's greatest labyrinth mouse in history has died. Cousin Ritzputtle (seen right), semi-retarded and always hungry for cheese, was killed when the hamster wheel in his luxurious Thai-inspired cage fell off and cut his blessed little head. "No one could sniff through a maze like C.R. could," head janitor Antonio Ypres told Moon Zuppa.

According to witnesses, there was blood everywhere. Sources say ants were thrown in to clean up the decomposing mess. It's what L'il Cousin would have wanted.

"Despite his retardation, he had the mind of a GPS. In fact, we have contacted the makers of GPS and offered his brain for experimentation. So far there are no takers but we're confident there will be," head lab guy Mike Petrodiezel explained. "It's a huge loss. Too large to bear I'm afraid. Worse than when I lost my mother. it's tough. You know? Rough."

"Ritzy was once clocked at completing his maze run in under a minute. I don't know how good that is but we felt it was a maze-in. Watching him run around with that little helmet brought joy to us all, " fellow head vice lab person Mills Diatrib recounted with nostalgia.

Moon Zuppa doesn't like rodents and as far as we're concerned one less of these morons eating our cheese the better. Mind you, we're lactose intolerant. But you get our point! Cheese is for humans!

6 comments:

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Lars said...

That's one fucking retarded school you attend.

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