Special Terrell Owens Spells Team with an 'I'

Disassociated Press -

Terrell Owens caught a touchdown for the Dallas Cowboys in a 34-7 loss last night. But T.O. wasn't going to let the score line put a damper on his personal achievement. The man intimately known as T.O. was insincerely interviewed by stupid and insipid Moon Zuppa.

"I'm bigger than that white dude with the Bunyan. Whasshisname? Ted Bundy?"

"I think you mean Paul Bunyan."

"Is he the big dude from Minnesota?"

"Yes."

"Then yeah. I'm bigger than him. I'm also a bigger than Kobe."

When I proceeded to ask him about his teammates he interjected. "Come to think of it I'm bigger than the Dallas Cowboys and I look better than the Cowboy cheerleaders - and they're smokin' hot. What's your question, again whitey?"

"I was just going to ask if…"

"Yeah, you know it. I know it. We all know it. I gather more Moss than Moss himself."

"Can you elaborate what you mean by that?"

"I mean, not even Barry Bonds can be as good as me. Not even Ali is as pretty as me. Dang,, those voices in my head…"

"How do you feel the team is doing now?"

"Team?"

"Yes."

'They say there's no 'I' but if you arrange two letters in team you get 'me.'"

Later on that night when the dressing room had been emptied and abandoned and players went on with their lives, Terrell Owens was still talking to himself in the mirror. He looked at me and smiled and said, "that's me pointing back in the mirror." Indeed it was. The one and only.