Palestinian Demands Assurances for Endless Sex in Heaven

Inside the Palestinian Headquarters: An Exclusive Moon Zuppa Report.

Somewhere in Palestine - In a murky PLO dungeon, one of its own boy soldiers was about to challenge its authority.

A boy was being praised on this day. "God is Great!" screamed one of the leaders. "It is your turn, my son, to enter paradise," Al Barfarafat Ali-Yak Akk said.

"Sure. But first. May I address you all?"

"Allah is waiting for you my son. So are your personal 72 virgins. Now speak quickly"

Standing before the table garnished with jello of various flavours, the boy felt his superiours were "gypping" Palestinian boys.

"It seems to be there are many virgins here on earth. But after an infinity 72 does't sound all that much. What do we do with all these women once they are used? After all, they are no longer virgins. Unless there is a reset option. What are our guarantees?"

The boys shrewd pragmatism unsettled the PLO braintrust. They became even more so once other boys chime din. One young boy with a hairlip and a walleye asked, "Once they lose their virginity do we get another 72 women?" A dwarf boy asked, "Are there enough whores to last for infinity?" The last boy to stand up convinced the leaders to act when he said, " Yeah. I'll go through all of them in a week. I'm only 17."

Sensing therebellion, one of the leaders nervously stood up. Pushing aside the bones of fallen martyrs that lay suspended from the blood dripping ceiling, he spoke to his recruits. "You must believe everything we say. Do we not feed you punks an endless supply of jello? If it wasn't for us you'd be packaged off as a Kosher meal in Israel. If it will make you all feel better we will sign a contract. But first you must sign this waiver agreement absolving us of any responsibilities."

High fives went all around the room.

That was the end of the question period. The boys went back into a trance like posturing as they began to recite the Koran. The boy looked over to another and said, "I like Cherry jello" and quietly strapped himself with the explosive devices handed to him.

It was just another day in the halls of Palestinian freedom fighters.