Friday, December 29, 2006

Jack Layton claims: Inuit Mafia after me!

Disassociated Press -

Ottawa - Stroking his moustache nervously and constantly looking over his shoulder, Jack Layton spoke about a conspiracy. One that is so thouroughly imbedded in the fabric of this country that it would be impossible to root out and destroy. "The Inuits have been at the helm of the most prolific and powerful mafia known to man. Don't let their toothless playful smiles fool you. They are ruthless. Mad! They are the Seventh Family and now they are after me!"

When we approached Mr. Layton on the steps of the Parliament building to elaborate he screamed while pulling out what's left of his hair, "do you see them? Do you! Arghhhhh!"

No comments:

Latest News: Jack Layton caught suckling a cucumber in public. Blames massive Conservative welfare cuts. Woman sues company for being called "one of the guys" during a boardroom meeting. "I feel so used and hurt," she tells Moon Zuppa. Allan Iverson asks to be traded to the moon. Feels "they'd appreciate me up there." Wendy's employee faints after customer asks for round burger. Politics: "I love it when a man debones chicken. It makes me hot," declares Belinda Stronach. Terrorists honor Jack Layton and the NDP "For easiest party to fool." Jack Layton encourages all Canadians at a cafeteria to convert to Islam "to understand each other better." Entertainment: Oprah Winfrey's couch needs new upholstery after Tom Cruise leaves mysterious stains. Donald Trump decides to sell ego. Starting bid on ebay now $2.35 Cdn. Jessica Simpson asked to give career a rest. Paris Hilton asked to give life a rest. News: Man gives wife his heart as anniversary gift after years of complaints. Dies within seconds. "Typical of that man," wife tells in tell-all book about nobody's. Business: Royal Bank of Canada introduces new Mutual Unbalanced Fund; "Unbalanced behaviour is on the rise," says Royal Chief. Inuit set to take over Canadian military duties. Local sweatshop seeks government subsidy; Plans to install air conditioner. Immigrant claims Canada racist society; demands ethnic slur for his people. Magnum to pay TC and Island Hoppers for damages and gas expenses. Sports: Terrell Owens did not try to commit suicide. States, "I was running out of ideas to keep cameras on me. I did not think Flintstone pills would be that harmful. Especially Dino." Tiger Woods changes name to Tiger-Lama Woods. Poses nude for Norwegian lingerie magazine for men. Ozzy Guillen, "I can barely understand myself speak anymore." Canadiens Assistant Coach Kirk Muller denies he is up for Skeletor part. Weather: 25% chance of showers, 25% sunny breaks, 25% snow, 25% unsure. Pack a parka and an umbrella in case.
Powered By Blogger
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.