Monday, December 04, 2006

Headlines

Disassociated Press

-Lone Italian not caught in Mafia drag net says "life has been as ugly as my mother-in-law" since arrests. "Being the only Italian with clean hands in the city has been tough." When he was told that more than half the names on the list were non-Italians he remained unmoved and unimpressed. "Are we losing our grip? Why did we recruit all those immigrant snitches?'

-George Bush, the W one, dresses as Hitler "for kicks" at a private Polish-Jewish party.

-Former PM Jean Chretien still searching for lost marbles.

-Terrell Owens scores touchdown. Claims to be bigger than Kobe Bryant AND Paul Bunyan.
at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
Latest News: Jack Layton caught suckling a cucumber in public. Blames massive Conservative welfare cuts. Woman sues company for being called "one of the guys" during a boardroom meeting. "I feel so used and hurt," she tells Moon Zuppa. Allan Iverson asks to be traded to the moon. Feels "they'd appreciate me up there." Wendy's employee faints after customer asks for round burger. Politics: "I love it when a man debones chicken. It makes me hot," declares Belinda Stronach. Terrorists honor Jack Layton and the NDP "For easiest party to fool." Jack Layton encourages all Canadians at a cafeteria to convert to Islam "to understand each other better." Entertainment: Oprah Winfrey's couch needs new upholstery after Tom Cruise leaves mysterious stains. Donald Trump decides to sell ego. Starting bid on ebay now $2.35 Cdn. Jessica Simpson asked to give career a rest. Paris Hilton asked to give life a rest. News: Man gives wife his heart as anniversary gift after years of complaints. Dies within seconds. "Typical of that man," wife tells in tell-all book about nobody's. Business: Royal Bank of Canada introduces new Mutual Unbalanced Fund; "Unbalanced behaviour is on the rise," says Royal Chief. Inuit set to take over Canadian military duties. Local sweatshop seeks government subsidy; Plans to install air conditioner. Immigrant claims Canada racist society; demands ethnic slur for his people. Magnum to pay TC and Island Hoppers for damages and gas expenses. Sports: Terrell Owens did not try to commit suicide. States, "I was running out of ideas to keep cameras on me. I did not think Flintstone pills would be that harmful. Especially Dino." Tiger Woods changes name to Tiger-Lama Woods. Poses nude for Norwegian lingerie magazine for men. Ozzy Guillen, "I can barely understand myself speak anymore." Canadiens Assistant Coach Kirk Muller denies he is up for Skeletor part. Weather: 25% chance of showers, 25% sunny breaks, 25% snow, 25% unsure. Pack a parka and an umbrella in case.
Powered By Blogger
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.