Budding Terrorist Star takes Al-Queda to Judge Judy

Disassociated Press

Hey, we were just flipping through some pages in our favorite terrorist magazine and we found this gem. A teenage terrorist recruit is suing his terror masters for unpaid cell bills and false advertising. It seems the sharp young man is not down with the 72 virgins thing. "It's just not fair. We Arabs are good at math and my math tells me I'm getting screwed," he told me. I'm the guy with Moon Zuppa. He continued. Yes, he has a name but I misplaced the napkin and can't remember how to spell it. "They tell me I'm going to get 72 virgins, right? But I'm also going to live for an eternity. What gives? By the time I get through the virgins they will all be used. What then?"

Good point terror boy. "Also, I expect them to pay my cell bills. I set up so many cells in Canada and incurred thousands in long-distance charges. They only told me about Call Select recently. What cheap bastards."

And what does he think his chances will be? "Hey, I know Judge Judy will be tough. She can be a bitch. But I have my evidence in order. They got nothing. I don't even think they will show up. Half of them are wanted. Allah would prefer the judge be a man but what can we do? We are in the land of the infidel. I'll get my verdict and settle the score with decadent Western culture later."

Terrorism is a serious issue. Come to think of it, 72 virgins to infinity is not a good ratio.