Sean Penn Storms Moon Zuppa HQ

Disassociated Press -

Somewhere in Northern Saskatchewan - Ladies and gentlemen, two Hollywood actors have taken Moon Zuppa hostage. Details are sketchy at this time. So far we can only deduce who they may be. One has been heard shouting, "I am Spiccoli! Moon Zuppa is a right-wing neo-con operation! Tom Cruise told us this! We demand that Moon Zuppa change its ways! We are a powerful hypocritical censorship group! We know the truth about EVERYTHING, suckers. And bring us fucking salad. We're starving here! Is this Guadalajara Bay? I can't believe this torture! We storm you're place and you treat us this way? Unbelieveable. Vote for Dean you sickos!"

An unidentified man who remained eerily calm told one Moon Zuppa reporter at spoon point, "If you don't stop writing about us you will leave us no choice but to move to France! Is that what you want? 'Cuz if it is this is what you'll get. No more movies from us! Viva la revolucion de bored millionarios!"

We will keep you posted as this story develops. What has this inverted perverted world become? We have contacted the SPCA after Social Services Canada refused to help saying, "No way, man. Those guys are mental, man. We're staying out of this one. Call the SPCA. Those guys are used to picking up roadkill. Good luck."