Friday, August 25, 2006

Pluto Demoted. Student Fails.

Disassociated Press -

A student in a pretend school failed his stupid science project after he included Pluto in his galaxy of planets. "Here at Northern Pike Elementary we do not stand for mediocrity. The student exhibited gross intellectual negligence. We have notified the New York Times. The grade stands," Principal Rina Martin defiantly revealed in a press conference today. When asked about why he added Pluto, Sam Samuel was confused. "I mean, when I went to bed we had nine planets. When I woke up we had eight. But by then it was too late to change my project as it was due that day." For her part, Sam's mother added,"L'il Sammy just wants to put this behind him. It was a good lesson for him. Don't ever take things for granted."

Protestors marched on to school property demanding the child get an 'A'. "I'm worried what this'll do to his morale when he's older. Besides, who cares about Pluto? It's the pinky toe of planets. It's completely useless," one protestor said. The second one offered this observation. "Planets are over rated. We have nine too many."

As for Sammy? "I'll be alright. Tonight my lawyers will determine who we will sue. So in the end we may end up winners even though the planets lost a friend."

Moon Zuppa salutes you Pluto! We hardly knew ya.

No comments:

Latest News: Jack Layton caught suckling a cucumber in public. Blames massive Conservative welfare cuts. Woman sues company for being called "one of the guys" during a boardroom meeting. "I feel so used and hurt," she tells Moon Zuppa. Allan Iverson asks to be traded to the moon. Feels "they'd appreciate me up there." Wendy's employee faints after customer asks for round burger. Politics: "I love it when a man debones chicken. It makes me hot," declares Belinda Stronach. Terrorists honor Jack Layton and the NDP "For easiest party to fool." Jack Layton encourages all Canadians at a cafeteria to convert to Islam "to understand each other better." Entertainment: Oprah Winfrey's couch needs new upholstery after Tom Cruise leaves mysterious stains. Donald Trump decides to sell ego. Starting bid on ebay now $2.35 Cdn. Jessica Simpson asked to give career a rest. Paris Hilton asked to give life a rest. News: Man gives wife his heart as anniversary gift after years of complaints. Dies within seconds. "Typical of that man," wife tells in tell-all book about nobody's. Business: Royal Bank of Canada introduces new Mutual Unbalanced Fund; "Unbalanced behaviour is on the rise," says Royal Chief. Inuit set to take over Canadian military duties. Local sweatshop seeks government subsidy; Plans to install air conditioner. Immigrant claims Canada racist society; demands ethnic slur for his people. Magnum to pay TC and Island Hoppers for damages and gas expenses. Sports: Terrell Owens did not try to commit suicide. States, "I was running out of ideas to keep cameras on me. I did not think Flintstone pills would be that harmful. Especially Dino." Tiger Woods changes name to Tiger-Lama Woods. Poses nude for Norwegian lingerie magazine for men. Ozzy Guillen, "I can barely understand myself speak anymore." Canadiens Assistant Coach Kirk Muller denies he is up for Skeletor part. Weather: 25% chance of showers, 25% sunny breaks, 25% snow, 25% unsure. Pack a parka and an umbrella in case.
Powered By Blogger
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.