Sunday, August 13, 2006

New Look at Moon Zuppa

Moon Zuppa is proud to report the news that matters most to nobody. While hyped-up on melatonin, it's something we take very semi-seriously. We pick up all the discarded and under valued news and we bring it you - the people who figure the least in the grand scheme of things. Here at Moon Zuppa we strive to be edgy and provocative. That's why the men who write for this paper will report to work dressed in women's clothes and vice-versa. We also plan to have monkey's serve us in a decadent lounge. It's innovative ideas such as these ignoble ones that make us who we are. We serve you. Enjoy and participate!

2 comments:

KOM said...

Monkey servers?

"Sir, there's feces in my soup - and I don't want to hear about how everyone will want some!"

T.C. said...

heh, heh.

Latest News: Jack Layton caught suckling a cucumber in public. Blames massive Conservative welfare cuts. Woman sues company for being called "one of the guys" during a boardroom meeting. "I feel so used and hurt," she tells Moon Zuppa. Allan Iverson asks to be traded to the moon. Feels "they'd appreciate me up there." Wendy's employee faints after customer asks for round burger. Politics: "I love it when a man debones chicken. It makes me hot," declares Belinda Stronach. Terrorists honor Jack Layton and the NDP "For easiest party to fool." Jack Layton encourages all Canadians at a cafeteria to convert to Islam "to understand each other better." Entertainment: Oprah Winfrey's couch needs new upholstery after Tom Cruise leaves mysterious stains. Donald Trump decides to sell ego. Starting bid on ebay now $2.35 Cdn. Jessica Simpson asked to give career a rest. Paris Hilton asked to give life a rest. News: Man gives wife his heart as anniversary gift after years of complaints. Dies within seconds. "Typical of that man," wife tells in tell-all book about nobody's. Business: Royal Bank of Canada introduces new Mutual Unbalanced Fund; "Unbalanced behaviour is on the rise," says Royal Chief. Inuit set to take over Canadian military duties. Local sweatshop seeks government subsidy; Plans to install air conditioner. Immigrant claims Canada racist society; demands ethnic slur for his people. Magnum to pay TC and Island Hoppers for damages and gas expenses. Sports: Terrell Owens did not try to commit suicide. States, "I was running out of ideas to keep cameras on me. I did not think Flintstone pills would be that harmful. Especially Dino." Tiger Woods changes name to Tiger-Lama Woods. Poses nude for Norwegian lingerie magazine for men. Ozzy Guillen, "I can barely understand myself speak anymore." Canadiens Assistant Coach Kirk Muller denies he is up for Skeletor part. Weather: 25% chance of showers, 25% sunny breaks, 25% snow, 25% unsure. Pack a parka and an umbrella in case.
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