Consumer Reports: Shopping for Spoons

Selecting spoons has become a complicated process for many consumers lately. With the ever changing, fast paced face of technology, spoons have become hi-tech. A recent medical report released shows that shopping for spoons may be among the most stressful activity we undertake. The study conducted by a second-tier University and reported by a gullible reporter, used a sample of 12 people. "We're waiting for accreditation. But we stand by our results," explained Sara Chang at the University of Quill Lake. "Sure it could use some more details and more research but hey..." continued Ms. Ching.

Moon Zuppa went to see for ourselves to conduct our own survey. What we found was most interesting. We discovered that shopping for spoons is an isolated incidence. Most people buy their utensils in sets accompanied by forks and knives. When we did find someone shopping for spoons they were over whelmed by the different sizes of spoons but were able to overcome their apprehension. Ms. Chung disputed these findings by saying, "Oh really?"

One client, who chose to remain anonymous, told us that they thought we should look into the rising costs of spoons. "I'm not sure who's behind it but someone is profiting off our backs." Later we saw the same person at the cash paying for spoons. "What? Are you fucking mentally retarded? You want how much for these spoons? See? I fucking told you. It's a god damn motherfucking conspiracy and you're all part of the game! Are you blind?"

We're not sure what is going on. Various stores declined to comment or speak to us. The only thing we can conclude is that spoon shopping can have a bizarre effect on some people and we are only scratching the surface dealing with this fascinatingly mundane issue.