Tom Cruise wants to eat placenta; Placenta Lobbyists see Opportunity

Disassociated Press

Live from the Inferno -This is where reality meets satire. Moon Zuppa is wordless. Ozzy Osborne was quoted as saying through an interpreter, "Man, not even I would eat human flesh. A bat ok because they deserve it but a human?" Alice Cooper was reached at his Crowley Estates and told MZuppa "his own antics were for show. Cruise wants to do it for real. Creepy stuff."

What about his dingbat wife? She was reported as saying "Tommy, who is all knowing, tells me that the placenta is good for you; it is filled with all sorts of minerals. As usual, the media is trying to make my Tommy the villain. Tommy tells me placenta is de-lish with onion mustard. Tommy tells me you people are pigs. Tommy can't wait to find a public couch to make out with me. Tommy loves me in an infatuated loving sort of way."

The placenta lobby, dormant for decades, jumped into action and are soliciting politicians in Congress "to wake up and get with the times. Placenta is great with polenta! Legalize placenta eating! The medical profession and big pharma are cheating the American public!

"Tommy is sooo pleased with all this. He is committed to us," Holmes said. Hopefully, the commitment will take him to a comfortable resting home.