Saving Sports And Ourselves Is Taken Seriously By The NHL

Goiters -

This just in! On the heels of a wonderfully paritized NHL season, the big taco's who run the league have decided to make it even more egalitarian.

"If this keeps up we'll end up with one big team! So we've proposed to have rotating champions. That way everyone wins!" league spinspokesman Harry Gambleman told Moon Zuppa.

Gambleman walks with a noticeable limp. He also sniffs his fingers a lot.

"It all makes sense. It's awesome not knowing who will beat who but everyone always has a chance to win the Cup. So why not bring more fairness to the whole process? Who wants to see well-managed, outstanding teams dominate weak, inefficient ones? We need to help the stupid and irresponsible. Force the good ones to come down a notch. Who needs true competition? The way I see it, they give out ribbons and trophies to 5th place finishers now. I know because my kid got one the other day. His teacher said he's just as good as the 1st place guy who also won the same ribbon. Didn't matter one iota that Jeremy has no arms." some drunk journalist slurred to us.

Whatever.

Moon Zuppa applauds such a noble idea. The world has gone awry because of our excessive chase for the pursuit of excellence. Excellence is a myth. Best to control and determine the future by taxing the good. In this way, we prevent low-self-esteem, depression by artificially increasing self-worth. Poverty will be eradicated and global warming will be a thing of the past. The polar bears will stay where they belong in the Arctic and the seal hunt will be stopped.

It's all for the better.

So who will be next year's champion?

"Well, we're not going to spoil everything. We do want to keep some suspense," Goobleman said with a disturbing and nervous smirk.

MZuPPa can't wait for the Vegas odds.