Lack of Snow Making Canadians Stir Fry

Disassociated Press

Ottawa - A national identity crisis is looming for Canadians. With the sudden lack of snow this winter, the government is wasting little time calling for a Royal Commission to study the matter.

"We want to get tot he bottom of why we have no snow. Canada without snow is like tacos without Mexicans," explained some dude with bad breath in Parliament.

Obviously, global warming is the reason. Everyone knows this. And so who is to blame?

Bush? Dwarfs? Terrorists? Saddam? Ha, ha! He's dead.

Try gnomes.

Sources close to Moon Zuppa's sources say that gnomes have been quietly building a military base in the high arctic in an attempt to one day invade Canada. They have been melting the polar ice caps with a giant hair dryer like mechanism. It is unclear at this time if Denmark is involved.

"Gosh." Was the only response from Foreign Affairs Minister Peter McKay. 'What's going to happen to our hockey players if we can't maintain outside rinks?" he opined publicly. Belinda Stronach is ready to stand by on her back if needed.

Until then Canadians should guard their homes closely. If self-esteem is low, anti-American rants always worked in the past.