Canada to Buy Entire Kayak Fleet

Disassociated Press -

Ottawa - Prime Minster Stephen Harper announced this week that his government will purchase the entire stock of Nunavut's Kayak's. Minster of Defense Gordon O'Connor determined that Canada needed to bolster its presence in the arctic. "We Conservatives are sending a message to the Danes and other tin pot countries: back off our Arctic, eh!"

A Liberal babbler dismissed this recent ploy as "Conservatives flexing their muscles. They have gone completely mad in their runaway and reckless wanton need for war."

But why kayaks? A military expert from some school explains. "Well, Canada needed help. Our buying record hasn't been stellar recently so we decided to keep it in house. Our military is stretched. What with one ship already in the Gulf of St, Lawrence it was only logical to go to the Inuit for help." What about increasing defense budget? "Oh no. That won't be necessary. This is a peacekeeping, peace creating country. No one would want to attack us. The kayaks would suffice. Besides, we need the money for health care."

When we contacted the Inuit who sold the kayaks he told us through a translator, "it's not like the kayaks were for sale, eh. We need them for hunting, eh. But the government gave us a check for $2 million. It's not our taxes. It's all net to us. Ka-ching!"

Why wasn't this done sooner? "I guess we figured being sovereign wasn't a lot of work. Poor Dougie. There was so much policing he could do by himself up there with one stick and a whistle. But he has help now. Canada has finally responded."

Despite this recent bold move by the government, the Danish flags still flies on Hans Island. 'With these kayaks we now have the resources, agility and ability to run rampant on the Arctic to defend Canadian interests. Sam Steele would be so proud."

Indeed he would.