Osama Bin Laden Fed Up With Conspiracy Theorists

Disassociated Press -

Osama Bin Laden issued a stern warning to conspiracy theorists asking them to 'pipe down' as his reputation continues to wane in opinion polls. Al Queda uses a 'Flintstone Scale' to survey people's opinions. A Fred marking means a high approval rating. A Hat Rocks rating means loss of credibility. Right now, Bin Laden is languishing near the bottom with a Mr. Weirdly.

Moon Zuppa cgot its grimey hands on the video as broadcast on Al-Jazeera. "We planned the attacks. We orchestrated the plan to poetic perfection. We're the ones who hurt our coccyx sitting on rocks all day. We took responsibility on live television! Do they not realize our cost of production? We are trying to achieve a world revolution here. Work with us people."

Bin Laden took a sip of milk from a local goat and added, "Man, I knew Americans were gullible this is really bad. It took me and my officers by surprise."

He pauses crosses his arms and continues.

"I mean, come on. Do they really think their own government would do such a thing? Maybe the Canadians are behind 9/11? Ever think of that? Well?"