Moon Zuppa News Items

-Boss tells boardroom sex among colleagues is down 3% for the quarter. Demands more meaningless encounters. "I don't care how you do it or where you do it or with who you do it. Just do it."

-Long serving bureaucrat in accounting department discovers truth: "You mean Canada is a country? I've been filing them under Canada Inc. since 1989!"

-At the World Cup players exchange sweaters before match. Before they realized what was going on, FIFA officials scored the game log as Poland winning against Germnay 1-0. "Only the Poles - and possibly the Newfies - would be in such a predicament," one FIFA spokesperson told MZuppa.

-Oprah apologetically confides to MZuppa: "Dr. Phil isn't really a doctor but an Inuit shaman."

-In an effort to bring import and export balance sheets more in line Canada wants to include actors and hockey players on how this country calculates these figures. "Well, they are doing a service, you know? We have to do something. I'm freaking out here. Go look at the House of Commons off hours. Ever since they sold off this country all they do is laugh, sleep and lick each other's scrotums. It's really not pretty. God damn pretenders," one dead beat civil servant told this pitifully reliable unlicensed news gathering memberless organization.

-Net imports up 4%. Sports company disputes figures. "I still have the same number of nets in my store. Are they talking hockey or fishing nets?"

Moon Zuppa this computers most trusted news source. Less people read us than any other crap you can think of in the world.