Moon Zuppa Headcircles

Politician Redraws Map in Hopes of Fooling Illegal Immigrants: "I feel that if we lead them towards the ocean this could solve part - if not all - of our problems," an excited Rory McClellanahan told Moon Zuppa. On another part of the map, many are expected to be lead into a large ditch in which point they will be sucked up by a large shop-vac and released somewhere in a debentured (unsecured) location in Mexico or Saskatchewan. The Canadian government is asking that the United States government reroute the Mexicans via a large pipeline into Nunavut in hopes of repopulating the area. "We need to settle these damn parts," immigration minister Henrietta Starr revealed to a scummy media scrum.

City Divided Along Baking Sectorial Lines: Violence has steadily been increasing in the town of Ashberry as factions between Sara Lee and Duncan Hines fight to gain control of a local grocery store. "It's gonna get ugly. That much I promise you," was how one angry commoner described the scene.

Meteorologist Commits Suicide: Two days after promising that the rain would stop in the city of Weltchburry, weather person Jane Fitchcombrie took her own life when the rain continue to fall. "She believed she could think like the four elements. When she misunderstood what the rain was telling her it proved too much," her colleague told Moon Zuppa holding back unsalted tears.

World's Ugliest Person Sues Revlon, Clairol: "It's all their fault that they could not make me look better. I plan to also sue big pharma for failing to foresee that my gene would make me look this way," explained Ruella Ty.