Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Latest Undisclosed Statistics

Every quarter Moon Zuppa publishes figures we determine to be important to the reader of this site.

-Hamburger meat sales continue to outpace gazelle meat in North America by a healthy margin. Sales are up 4.2% for this month alone. Holy Cow!

-The rate of mortality among Gold fish continue to rise. "We need appropriate standards to prevent this travesty from becoming a crisis," Roberta Robertinarella of the Buddies With Fish Foundation told MZuppa.

-The Burnt Freedom Index is out. The BFI is a complex barometer that measures the diminishing rate of intelligence among nations. With most of the world already burnt out, North America is fast catching up. Please mail Moon Zuppa for the full list.

-Uselessness is edging up to an all-time high of 77%.
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