Osama Bin Laden to audition for CSI Part

Moon Zuppa has learned that the tall handsome Bin Laden is interested in landing an acting job in Hollywood. How far is he willing to go? "Sheesh, you saw what I'm capable of. Though it would pretty hard to match. For now, I'm willing to change my name to Dickie O'Leary." We asked him if he has tried to contact the producers at CSI to which he responded "I sent my tapes in. I have yet to hear from them. I hope I sent the right ones. The last time I tried to audtition I had one of my lieutenants send the tapes to Law & Order Special Victims Unit but the asshole sent one of my rants warning of war. I had him executed. Never send a boy to do a prophet's job." Why CSI and which one? "Well, I need to keep up with American investigation techniques, what, with me operating a massive undeground organization. I want the New York part. I love Gary Sinise and think that the surrounding actors are weak. I want to play the part of an Italian New Yorker. I've been practicing while watching The Fonz on Happy Days. If a Jew can play the part of a wop so can a Wahhabi Arab."