Showing posts with label dummies galore. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dummies galore. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

New "For Dummies" books on the Market

Moon Zuppa's book editor has reviewed these books recently. All can be purchased over the counter. Flash the Moon Zuppa secret word to the pharmacist and get a free paper clip - and free pills of your choice!

-2nd Grade Math for Dummies - Brought me back to a time when math mattered.
-Opening CD Packages for Dummies - Stop, just stop getting paper cuts!
-Understanding Toasters for Dummies - Bagels are different than Eggos? Who knew?
-The Rational Joy of Cooking Goat for Dummies - Sheer delight. Read with your kids.
-Drug Smuggling for Dummies - Tricky but worth while if you know the ropes.
-Human Trafficking for Dummies - The key is to work with the fine people at the ports.
-Terrorist tactics for Dummies - A rising trend not to be missed.
-How to become Jesus for profit for Dummies - A classic sure to never go out of style.
-Porn for Dummies - Now two pages long!
-Fashion tips for skanks...and for Dummies - Foreword by Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.
-Checkers for Dummies - I didn't know checkers could be so hard.
-How to become a singing star without singing for Dummies - Foreword by Ashlee and Jessica Simpson.

The secret word is: atrabilius
Latest News: Jack Layton caught suckling a cucumber in public. Blames massive Conservative welfare cuts. Woman sues company for being called "one of the guys" during a boardroom meeting. "I feel so used and hurt," she tells Moon Zuppa. Allan Iverson asks to be traded to the moon. Feels "they'd appreciate me up there." Wendy's employee faints after customer asks for round burger. Politics: "I love it when a man debones chicken. It makes me hot," declares Belinda Stronach. Terrorists honor Jack Layton and the NDP "For easiest party to fool." Jack Layton encourages all Canadians at a cafeteria to convert to Islam "to understand each other better." Entertainment: Oprah Winfrey's couch needs new upholstery after Tom Cruise leaves mysterious stains. Donald Trump decides to sell ego. Starting bid on ebay now $2.35 Cdn. Jessica Simpson asked to give career a rest. Paris Hilton asked to give life a rest. News: Man gives wife his heart as anniversary gift after years of complaints. Dies within seconds. "Typical of that man," wife tells in tell-all book about nobody's. Business: Royal Bank of Canada introduces new Mutual Unbalanced Fund; "Unbalanced behaviour is on the rise," says Royal Chief. Inuit set to take over Canadian military duties. Local sweatshop seeks government subsidy; Plans to install air conditioner. Immigrant claims Canada racist society; demands ethnic slur for his people. Magnum to pay TC and Island Hoppers for damages and gas expenses. Sports: Terrell Owens did not try to commit suicide. States, "I was running out of ideas to keep cameras on me. I did not think Flintstone pills would be that harmful. Especially Dino." Tiger Woods changes name to Tiger-Lama Woods. Poses nude for Norwegian lingerie magazine for men. Ozzy Guillen, "I can barely understand myself speak anymore." Canadiens Assistant Coach Kirk Muller denies he is up for Skeletor part. Weather: 25% chance of showers, 25% sunny breaks, 25% snow, 25% unsure. Pack a parka and an umbrella in case.
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